Tut-tut, looks like rain..

Dearest followers,

fleurdetoile — Fri, 10 May 2013 22:13:35 -0400

I apologize for the recent lack of poetry and thoughts, most of my creative energy has been going into songwriting.

The results of which can be found here: http://m.youtube.com/user/Dancerinwhite443

Kay Turnbull - Death of me

fleurdetoile — Thu, 09 May 2013 23:56:28 -0400

Kay Turnbull - Death of me:

This is my new song, enjoy.

Thank you Stephano Dominguez for helping me!

Solitude, my friend.

fleurdetoile — Wed, 24 Apr 2013 12:31:30 -0400

Solitude was my companion, my comrade, my only friend.  
Now, I wonder if there’s more to be discovered. 
Given time, I think that I’d find something to believe in.
 In my heart, I know my wars are won.

The Lord showed me something the other day..

fleurdetoile — Sun, 21 Apr 2013 01:32:15 -0400

I was worshipping and picturing Jesus at school, and as my mind wandered along that track I saw Him behind me massaging my back and shoulders. As I watched I noticed that my skin looked like a deep colored wood. Jesus then showed me a series of short clips of him choosing the wood he would make me out of, marking the exact dimensions he would need for my size, carving me out carefully piece by piece, then sanding my edges and making me smooth all over. Then it went back to him rubbing my shoulders and back and arms, and I noticed that when he moved to each part he would dip his hands in this warm oil, and as he would rub it in to my body the wood would darken and harden and shine so beautifully. Jesus spent hours and hours doing this, he would leave it to soak in for a little while and then he would come back and go over me with this oil again and again.

I asked Jesus why, and he responded gently, as he was rubbing the oil into my arms and hands. He said, “Because you need to be saturated with my love and affection over and over again, I need to spend time on you and with you so that you never go dry, and you never lose your brilliant shine. I have to keep covering you with my oil and my anointing until it sinks in so deeply it reaches the very center of your heart.”

Blue eyes, you confuse the ever livin’ hell out of me. Congradu-friggin-lations, you have...

fleurdetoile — Sun, 21 Apr 2013 01:17:54 -0400

Blue eyes, you confuse the ever livin’ hell out of me.

Congradu-friggin-lations, you have complete monopoly on my affections, you pull every string.

I’m yours to build up and let down. Over again, and again.

My heart is completely bare to you and I have no control, have at it.

Because every look, every touch, every acknowledgement of my presence, every crooked grin, every heart-stopping moment sends me reeling.

Go for it. You’ve got me under your thumb.

I’m a raw nerve.

Slipping off my fingers, draining out of my heart. My movements slow and clumsy, my eyes lack their...

fleurdetoile — Sun, 14 Apr 2013 13:49:14 -0400

Slipping off my fingers, draining out of my heart. My movements slow and clumsy, my eyes lack their sight.
My energy is gone, you took it with you when you decided I wasn’t worth the wait.

Screw it.

fleurdetoile — Fri, 12 Apr 2013 23:33:15 -0400

I’m dating myself. I’ll take myself out for coffee, I’ll go to the bookstore with myself and laugh at how quirky I am, and I’ll tell myself how I’m beautiful and why I’m a wonderful person..

And tell myself it’s ok as I have a pity party and cry in the closet.

I’m done with guys. I’m so done.

Out she runs with shears in hand,

fleurdetoile — Thu, 11 Apr 2013 18:28:00 -0400

The world seems so much wider with all these tiny new leaves.
The trees with their paintbrushes have a favorite color, it’s yellow.
Snip, twist, braid and fit.
Now the fairy has a crown, and all of the blossoms must do as she wishes.

Are you dating anyone?

Wed, 10 Apr 2013 13:11:31 -0400

No, I am not.. Unfortunately my luck with relationships is a bit tainted, and they never get very far.

"Do not ask the price I paid, I must live with my quiet rage. Tame the ghosts in my head, that run..."

fleurdetoile — Sat, 06 Apr 2013 04:24:32 -0400

“Do not ask the price I paid, I must live with my quiet rage.
Tame the ghosts in my head, that run wild and wish me dead.
If you shake my ash to the wind,
Lord forget all of my sins, and let me die where I lie, ‘neath the curse of my lover’s eyes.”

- Marcus Mumford — Lover’s Eyes (via justaraincloud)

I would like to take a moment and appreciate this poem a friend wrote for me a few years ago.. When I lose hope in myself and hide myself away, this is what I read. Thank you Peter.

fleurdetoile — Thu, 04 Apr 2013 23:57:40 -0400

Life without Kay
Is a boring day
No joy abounds
Without Kay’s sounds
Of singing and dancing
And laughing out loud
Or even when she shouts
This is my life without Kay
—Peter Keller

"Hope deferred makes the heart sick.."

fleurdetoile — Sun, 31 Mar 2013 12:09:39 -0400

“Hope deferred makes the heart sick..”

- Proverbs 13:12

I just want to be worth the risk. I just want to be worth fighting for. Does anyone have the...

fleurdetoile — Fri, 29 Mar 2013 23:15:55 -0400

I just want to be worth the risk.

I just want to be worth fighting for.

Does anyone have the audacity to make me feel like I’m worth the pain, trouble, fear, anger, heartbreak, uncertainty, RISK.

Last night, I watched the angels take Manhattan.

fleurdetoile — Wed, 27 Mar 2013 00:03:31 -0400

And I wept like someone had murdered a puppy right in front of me, and then cried myself to sleep.
Oh the pain, his face.
That poor, wonderful man..

Emotional pain is a disease that gives you a choice to let it kill you, or make it go.

fleurdetoile — Tue, 26 Mar 2013 19:01:40 -0400

Rev bomb.

Listening to a couple teach.

fleurdetoile — Tue, 26 Mar 2013 18:47:44 -0400

Dear Jesus, look at the way he looks at her! This man is so in love with his wife I can’t take it. Just LOOK at the love in that man’s eyes, good God.

She heard what they were feeling, so she said what they were thinking.

fleurdetoile — Tue, 26 Mar 2013 14:35:01 -0400

This
is
my
dream..

I’m gonna need you to hold me for a while, because my pieces are falling off my sides into the...

fleurdetoile — Mon, 25 Mar 2013 00:52:41 -0400

I’m gonna need you to hold me for a while, because my pieces are falling off my sides into the dirt..
I’m gonna need you to keep my head up, because now it seems my neck doesn’t want to work..
I promise I trust you, despite the fact that bleeding ribs hurt..
I can’t help but trust you, I hear him sing every line, every verse..
Give me this moment of stubborn thirst..
Let me hear him sing again..

"Love is having a knife in your heart, and asking someone to twist it. Love is painful. Love is..."

fleurdetoile — Sun, 24 Mar 2013 22:37:00 -0400

“Love is having a knife in your heart, and asking someone to twist it. Love is painful.
Love is different than friendship, friendship is giving 50-50, you give and they return. Not so with love, love is risking giving 100% without any guarantee of getting it back. Covenant relationships often feel one sided, and the pain can feel like you’re dying.
But you know what? It’s so worth it.”

- David Turnbull

If you ever meet a man with a British accent who grabs your hand and tells you to run,

fleurdetoile — Thu, 14 Mar 2013 23:51:23 -0400

DON’T LET HIM OUT OF YOUR SIGHT. He calls himself The Doctor and he’s the greatest being there ever was.

Also there’s a possibility you could die if you don’t.